fr
Star Trek Energize
I'M A MEMBER OF A STAR TREK /
SCI-FICTION CLUB IN ASHFORD KENT. (THAT'S IN ENGLAND )
I WON'T BORE YOU WITH DETAILS ON THE
CLUB, `CAUSE YOU CAN READ ABOUT THAT ON OTHER MEMBERS
SITES.
BUT I AM THE EDITOR OF OUR CLUB
MAGAZINE, SO ON THIS PAGE YOU CAN HAVE A LOOK AT THE SORT OF RUBBISH
THAT WE PUBLISH MONTHLY TO KEEP OUR LITTLE MINDS AMUSED.
|
May/June 1998 8
The Energize News
fluffs Special
AND ANT FREE ZONE
|
The
TOP TEN lines you will never hear on Star Trek:
The
Next Generation
10) Worf: Klingons do NOT
play tiddlywinks!
9) Picard: It’s too bad we
don’t live in an enlightened, civilized era like
they had in the twentieth
century.
8) Geordi: Did you hear
Wesley almost got kicked out of the academy again?
They caught him smoking
pot!
Data: (looks puzzled) Pot?
(brightens) Ah. Marijuana - a narcotic obtained from the
hemp plant. Cannabis.
weed,Mary Jane. Grass. Reefer. Panama red...
7) Troi (to someone she is
counseling): You’ve obviously mistaken me for someone who
cares! Get a life! Now get
out and don’t come bothering me again!
6) Worf: Ouch! I got a paper
cut!
5) A Starfleet admiral:
Don’t worry about it, Picard, there’s plenty of other ships in your
quadrant.
4) Riker: Not tonight - I
have a headache.
3) Worf: Do we have to beam
down right now? The Smurfs are on telly!
2) Geordi: We’ve modified
the warp coils by reversing the polarity of the inverse geometric
phase integrator and adding
a broad-band neutrino flux generator to the hyper-magnetic
field controls of the
contraspacial transfibrillating galactivator.
Riker: What will that
do?
Geordi: Sod all, but it sure
as hell sounds impressive!
1) Picard: Oh, screw the
hailing frequencies. Fire all phasers!
A
Dog Named Sex
Everybody who has a dog
calls him Rover or Boy.
I call mine Sex. He’s a
great pal, but he has caused me a great deal of
embarrassment.
When I went to the Post
Office to renew his dog license, I told the clerk I would like
a license for Sex. He said,
“I’d like one, too!”
Then I said, “But this is a
dog.” He said he didn’t care what she looked like. Then I said,
“You don’t understand. I’ve
had Sex since I was 9 years old.” He winked and said,
“You must have been quite a
kid.”
When I got married and went
on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me. I told the motel clerk
that
I wanted a room for my wife
and me and a special room for Sex.
He said, “You don’t need a
special room. As long as you pay your bill we don’t care what you
do.”
I said, “Look, you don’t
seem to understand. Sex keeps me awake at night.”
The clerk said, “Funny - I
have the same problem.”
One day, I entered Sex in a
contest, but before the competition began, the dog ran away.
Another contestant asked me
why I was just standing there, looking disappointed.
I told him I had planned to
have Sex in the contest. He told me I should have sold my own
tickets.
“But you don’t understand,”
I said, “I had hoped to have Sex on TV.”
He said, “Now that cable is
all over the place, it’s no big deal anymore.”
When my wife and I
separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog.
I said, “Your Honor, I had
Sex before I was married.”
The judge said this
courtroom isn’t a confessional Stick to the case, please.”
Then I told him that after I
was married, Sex left me. He said that’s not unusual.
It happens to a lot of
people.
Last night, Sex ran off
again. I spent hours looking around town for him.
A cop came over to me and
asked, “What are you doing in this alley at 4 o’clock in the
morning?”
I told him that I was
looking for Sex.
My case comes up
Friday.
Moral of this inspiring
story: Don’t take your dog with you on your honeymoon,
or you’ll have problems with
Sex and your wife will divorce you!
LIFE AFTER TEK
WARS
William Shatner (Kirk) is a
busy man. Recently he negotiated a deal with the United Kingdom’s
Cloud 9 production group to produce and direct a new television
series based on his “Quest for Tomorrow” novels. It’s possible he may
also take a recurring on-camera role in the series. Shatner has
previously written three novels in the “Quest for Tomorrow” series
and is under contract with HarperCollins for three more.
Cloud 9 has purchased the
rights to the books to make a two-hour pilot film from which they
hope to launch a new syndicated series.
Shatner’s other book series,
“Man O’ War,” is in development as a new series for Showtime.
And if that’s not enough,
Shatner will also appear in a new film appropriately titled
“Free Enterprise”for
Mindfire Entertainment.
Shatner’s involvement with
Cloud 9 began with his hosting “William Shatner’s A Twist in the
Tale,” a series of ghost stories for children developed for the
United States and international markets. The series is a combined
venture between the German-based CLT-Ufa, the U.K.-based Cloud 9 and
Shatner’s L.A.-based Melis Productions.
PRESS ME
NOW!
BACK